The shuffling of my feet generated enough noise that he turns around and glances over his shoulder. Oh god, we made eye contact. As urine splashed gracefully around his bare feet, and as I tried desperately to focus on the ground beneath my feet, I heard him call: "Auto, sir?"
"Urination Marketing", a phrase coined by me a few hours ago, is the concept of marketing to someone whose business you really do not want. And I mean, really do not want. There is no need to spend too much time explaining why you wouldn't want someone's business. Anyone who has worked at a restaurant knows that sometimes you just have to ask people to leave. Unfortunately for servers, even if you know in advance that the cigar smoking jack-ass in a tank-top and jeans is going to be trouble, you can't actually kick him out until he lights the table cloth on fire and starts bragging to people about his one testicle.
Now, in some circles, it might be considered rude to avoid marketing to certain people groups. You might not want to go knock on tank-top man's door in order to sell him a new vacuum cleaner, but your boss insists that you "go to every door on the block!". Heaven forbid the pyro actually buys a vacuum cleaner, then you are stuck with a customer service nightmare and nightly phone calls asking if you want to join him at Red Lobster. And for what? So you're boss can take his wife out to a five-star dinner while you eat leftover pizza and watch re-runs of MASH.
"Urination Marketing" solves this problem by allowing you to freely advertise your product without the fear of actually selling it. By incorporating your product with the simple concept of urination, you can predetermine who you want to do business with. Even tank-top man is going to think twice about buying a vacuum from a man (or women) urinating on his front door. Think about it. I haven't.
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